My 4-year-old Regularly Poops In His Underwear

I titled this blog post as such because this is exactly what I Googled when my son was 3-years-old. I thought he was just slow to potty train but it turned out he had encopresis. I titled the blog post with 4-years-old because technically it's not encopresis until children are four, but I can tell you my son had it at two (and three) as well. If you have a child that's incontinent, welcome to this blog about encopresis.

First let me say that you are not alone. Other kids are pooping in their underwear and it's NOT because you are lazy and haven't tried to potty train your child. Chances are good that if you're online researching this, your child has encopresis, the definition of which can be found on this blog post.

Second let me say that the first thing you need to understand is that it's not your fault and it's not your child's fault either. There's something going on with their system and now they are soiling themselves. This is a very embarrassing problem for your child and you. It's embarrassing because the perception is that the child can control their poop and/or that you haven't done your job as a parent. While there can be a behavioral component of encopresis, you need to realize that very often it's a physical issue that starts encopresis. Ask yourself if you think your child wants to have poop on them, or smell in public places, or disappoint you?

Third, and most important, is to take a step back and have compassion for your child and the problem. I cannot tell you how mortified I am at the thought of what I did to my son before I knew he had encopresis. I was so angry at him about not potty training that I did things that I know made the problem worse. Full disclosure -- I actually took away my sons security blanket until he pooped in the toilet. FOR TWO DAYS! Yikes. Please do not punish your child and try not to get frustrated and angry. As awful as it is to have to clean up dirty underwear, try to go about it with patience and caring instead of disgust and frustration. If you can afford it, buy tons and tons of cheap underwear and toss them out when they are soiled. Don't sit there scrubbing the dirty underwear unless that process doesn't bother you. If it bothers you then you'll probably take it out on your child in some way.

If you have a spouse, please enlist them in this process ASAP. Have them help with the cleaning, bathroom time, research and whatever else you can enlist them for. This is an awful problem and the more you can be a team in helping your child the better off you will be.